Thursday, April 30, 2015

The Deciders

What I'm about to tell you is revolutionary. I don't know if you'll be able to handle it. I can't even, y'all. But I'm so about to.

I've been married for over a decade. That's over ten years of deciding what to watch. Which maybe isn't a big deal in your household. Maybe your girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife/lover/kid/pet llama has the same taste in everything as you. Maybe they're a decisive llama and you pick something from your Netflix queue with the quickness and everything is all happy happy joy joy. My house is not like that. In my house, we're both wishy washy indecisive lazy Pisces blah blahs. If you look up idgaf in the urban dictionary, there's a picture of us lying on a couch staring at iTunes movies or HBOGo and shrugging. We're the worst. It's amazing we ever eat anything, it takes us hours to agree on a restaurant. We can spend months scrolling and sighing and sighing and scrolling. Months, I tell you.

So the other night I looked at Tim and said, "Hey."

And he was all, "hey."

Then I was like, "Um, so I've been thinking."

And he goes, "Uh-oh" so I go, "haha."

Then I say, "Maybe we should take turns deciding what to watch and the other one has to be okay with it and just DEAL WITH IT no matter what."

So Tim shrugs and says, "K."

Then I shrug and say, "K."

Then it takes us 2 weeks to decide who should go first because we're both like, "I don't care, you go first, whatev."

However, now everything is better. We take turns being the decider! I told you: this is revolutionary shit. If I want to watch a horror movie, I don't have to wait until he's out of town or playing golf or at a hockey game or whatnot. If he wants to watch some show about armies shooting at each other in, like, mud and stuff, he can watch it. The catch is the other one has to watch it too. And it's working. Sometimes it's a no-brainer, like, I pick Mad Men and he sighs forever from relief. Or he picks Justified and I'm like, YAY OLYPHANT. But it's also forcing us to watch things we wouldn't otherwise watch. I'm gonna learn so much about World War 2 and people who can eat a lot of hot things, you guys. And Tim is gonna learn so much about the Scream franchise.

The person picking gets the whole night. So if I've already made him watch Grease 2 and an episode of Nashville but it's still early, we'll totally have time to watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force episodes until Meatwad loses all meaning.

And there you have it. Compromise, y'all. Not sure why we didn't think of this a decade or so ago. I blame Hogie.

Tonight I'm the decider and I CAN'T WAIT. Maybe just maybe I can find something about vampires who go to high school. Do they even make stuff about that?

*photo cred: don't fuck with the deciders, yo.