Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Retrograde This

Only ten days until Halloween so let's talk about something super scary, OK? Yes, you guessed it, I am talking about how Mercury is in retrograde. I actually didn't know this was occurring until last week when a friend told me. I declared that I didn't believe in all that stuff and then preceded to tell her every bad thing that happened to me last time it was in retrograde. (Nothing catastrophic but there was a fender bender and a Twitter misunderstanding and a bunch of other lame things.) And this time when she said it was happening again, my first thought was, oh yeah that makes sense because shit has been pretty crazy lately. So maybe I do think there's something to it. Or maybe I just like blaming random life events on the movement of planets.

When you look up "Mercury in retrograde," you get a bunch of advice like: Don't travel, sign contracts, buy electronics or make any major life decisions during this period. Apparently you also can expect major miscommunication and you shouldn't write anything. Oops. Because I don't believe in this stuff, I looked up what I was up to the last few times Mercury was getting all retrogradey. Turns out Tim and I decided to move into the house with all the mold in the basement while Mercury was in retrograde. We also signed that lease, traveled to London where we had a bunch of weird misfortunes on our trip and I bought my current iPhone, which thankfully seems to have missed the curse. Hold up while I throw salt over my shoulder or something. Hey, if I'm gonna believe in planetary junk might as well go all out.

This time around, we haven't broken any of the rules but we have had some dumb stuff happen. Our gas got turned off because of a mistake I made (Closed the account instead of transferring service. I do not recommend moving when you're sick from toxic black mold poisoning.) and we've been having to do the cold shower shuffle for the last few days. Also, poor poor Hogie got sick so we've spent the last 24 hours cleaning up dog shit and having to watch our sweet little pup be miserable. We think he had a bad reaction to an organic doggie granola bar he got in his Bark Box. This may actually have more to do with the fact that he has asshole owners who buy him things like Bark Boxes and organic treats than it does with what Mercury is doing.

But still. Geez. At least the Cowboys are winning.

It ends the 26th. So until then, don't go anywhere, do anything, talk to anyone or buy anything and you should be totally fine.

*Hogie with his new Day of the Dead toy.