Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Maximum Officing

How do you organize an office for maximum productivity?

I have no fucking clue.

To be completely honest, I'm writing this on a patio at Coffee Bean listening to "Stoned & Starving" by Parquet Courts. It's a bit chilly and birds are boldly flying straight up to people's muffins and taking bites. It's pretty entertaining. But it is decidedly not my office.

I redid my office this past weekend. On Easter Sunday, actually. I'd come back from Easter Mint Juleps (that's in the bible, right?) and I begged Tim to help me. Tim is organized. His aesthetic is spare and clean. Mine is like if there was a tornado and all the contents of a vintage toy store ended up mixed with concert posters and quirky items from CB2. I didn't know what was wrong with my office, I only knew that I couldn't work in there. I would not do it with a drink/ It would not could not let me think. Sorry. Dr. Suess break. Anyway, he said, no offense, babe, but it's a bit cluttered in here. So I said, oh really, a bit? And then he said, Okay, it's a lot cluttered in here.

So, there ya' go.  We cleared out about half my crap. Into a box went Garbage Pail Kids and photos from 1999 in shitty half-broken frames from Ikea. We took all of my toys and knickknacks and made a "toy shelf," which makes me laugh when I look at it because, I mean, my Ewoks and my Princess Leia are, like, totally hanging out with an Eiffel Tower and a Tower of London which makes NO SENSE because, duh, WRONG UNIVERSE, not to mention nothing is to scale. My Papa Smurf is the same size as Totoro. As if! But, it's a good shelf and now everything is contained. Also, I only have 7 framed photos in my office, which is way way down from the 8,932 I had before so I guess that's good?

But, I still haven't been able to work in there. I read an article about work spaces that said the less clutter the better, that offices should be sleek so there's room for creativity and ideas to form. (Jack off motion.) Which makes sense and is perfectly logical except for that one of my favorite pieces of clutter is a framed photo of Anne Rice that sits on my desk. Edi gave it to me some birthday or another. It's a wonderful black and white shot of her in her office. There is literally stuff everywhere. All over the walls, stuffed into shelves and covering her desk. Sometimes I look at it and wonder: where her computer is, how does she keep track of her notes, where she keeps her wind-up toys.

My point is that she's one of my favorite authors of all time. She's prolific and amazing and focused and her messy office makes mine look like the surgery wing of a hospital. Who's to say what inspires creativity? Who's to say what office type is right?

I will say that I like mine better now but I'm still stopped when trying to write in there. So right now, I'm wasting an entire room of the house. Right now I'm fleeing to coffee shops for a couple of hours a day to crank it out. But, I want to go home. I want to make it feel "right" again. If you know a magic spell, let me know. Until then, I'll be out at some coffee shop petting dogs, counting beards and watching birds eat blueberry scones.

*photo of my toy shelf. yipeeeeeeee.