Tuesday, October 8, 2013

What I Bought In London

In case you haven't already figured it out, there's a theme on the blog this week and that theme is goats wearing top hats!  Just kidding.  It's London.  I mean, of course it is.  I have London on the brain.  I'm still sort-of on London time.  (I've been waking up around 3:30 a.m. every morning but this morning I slept in until 5:30, weeeee!) When I unpacked my suitcase, I had to giggle.  Mainly because I was jet lagged and loopy but partly because the stuff I bought was ridiculous.  I thought, I'm gonna blog about this.  The people who read my blog will get a kick out of this because they're interesting discerning readers who appreciate a good puppy sock.

I've always picked out something stupid and small from everywhere I've been.  This is partly because of money and partly because of space.  My first big trip was to New Zealand when I was fifteen with my theatre troupe.  We were each limited to a smallish suitcase and we got a tiny per diem, which I spent on cigarettes and getting an extra hole pierced in my ear.  I came home with a patchwork backpack made by Maoris.  In Turkey, I came home with a Turkish Eye keyring, which I still have in my jewelry box.  I think it cost around seventy-five cents.  I have a cheesy Eiffel Tower on my desk from Paris and a wooden shoe bottle opener from Holland.  I like the dumb stuff.  I like the small stuff.  But, I went a little overboard this time.

So, here's what I bought, from top left:

Fortnum & Mason Amber Rose hand lotion:  This was bound to happen.  We spent four hours in this huge department store with our friends.  We had lunch there.  We had scones.  (They had super yummy gluten-free scones with clotted cream!) We walked around and looked at all the fancy foods.  My pal bought a ceramic pot full of Stilton cheese.  I didn't know such a thing existed but it is very cute and probably stinky.  I'd planned on only buying a jar of blackcurrant jam because I love love blackcurrant anything but then I went to the powder room.  (They call it the powder room.  Just trying to be authentic, y'all.)  In the powder room, you wash your hands with fancy soap and then you get to use this amazing lotion.  That's how they hook you.  I couldn't stop smelling my hands.  Had to buy it.  Bought it.

Extremely dumb Westminster Abbey floaty pen:  I have a really good excuse.  I lost my purse pen, see, and I was pen-less.  How could I be expected to go the rest of vacation without a pen?!  I needed a pen!  I needed an overpriced pen with a floating double decker bus that arrives right at a cartoon Westminster Abbey while the Union Jack waves in the background.  Of course I did.

Top Shop puppy socks:  LOOK AT THESE SOCKS.  How could I not buy them?  I had to buy them.  I dragged Tim into a Top Shop, looked at everything for ages and then left clutching these socks to my chest like Gollum holding the ring.  Sure, they're not exactly "London-y" but I think I totally scored.

Violet Pastilles: I wish I'd bought twenty of these.  I love pastilles and while I was actively searching for blackcurrant, I'm totally fine with violet flavored licorice.  I wonder why we don't flavor more things with flowers.  I've had rose macaroons and lavender fudge.  Amazing.  I want flower flavored everything.  How about daisy tacos?  Let's get on that, California.

Tiny Tower of London:  This is definitely the worst thing I bought.  There's even a little painted Beefeater guy guarding it.  I wanted a Tower Of London key chain because I remembered one from my last visit that I couldn't afford at the time.  They didn't have it anymore, of course, because that was in the late 90s and nothing from the late 90s is around anymore except, you know, me, but they did have this little dude who will live on my desk next to Wicket and Papa Smurf and my Eiffel Tower.  It'll be awesome.  I know, it's awful.  I love it.

Blackcurrant Jam:  Duh.  I've already eaten half of it.

Shakepeare's Globe Snow Globe:  See, 'cause it's a snow GLOBE of Shakespeare's GLOBE.  LOL.  OMG.  HA.  How could I not buy this?!

I don't know if you found this as amusing as I did but I hope so.  I will say that I will make an actual effort next time I'm vacationing to hold myself back or to at least buy something I could use somehow like something to, I dunno, wear or, um, use in a useful way.  Although, I guess a pen is useful.  And a snow globe is really useful in L.A. where it only snows at Disneyland.

Yeah, whatever, I stand by my purchases.  Just wish I'd gotten more candy.