Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Kendragarden Tells You What Horror Flicks To Watch

Today is Advice Wednesday, which is rapidly becoming my favorite day to blog.  True, I get to bitch on Rant Monday and I get to be nostalgic on Throwback Thursday but on Advice Wednesday it's all about being bossy, which totally runs in my family, you guys.  (Anyone who's ever met my sister or my Meemaw or either of my aunts is nodding right about now.)

Since I love Halloween and I love horror films and since I get to tell you what to do today, I'm gonna tell you what horror flicks to watch tomorrow night.  Now, some of you may be going to parties but judging by all the costume pics on Instagram Saturday night, the world already partied it up and people are staying in tomorrow.  I know I am.  I almost always do.  I love nothing more than watching a horror flick, eating candy corn and watching Hogie run around in his costume.

These are merely my favorites, you guys.  This is not scientific!  I am not an expert!  I've watched a ton of horror films but I am not one of those people who can debate Freddy vs. Jason.  I can't rattle off the names of all the Saw films.  (Well, kind-of I can.  Saw,  Saw 2, Saw 3,   ETCETERA.)  For a comprehensive deep cuts list by a true horror buff, check out this list by my pal Rob Fee.  (Then once you're done with that one, you can check out his other list and watch those too.  I know.  I don't think the dude sleeps.)

But, here's my list.  My faves.  The ones I turn to again and again, year after year to get my scare on.  A list as unresearched as it is unrefined.

1) The Shining

I had to put this one first because, duh, it's amazing and also because it's the first horror film I ever saw. I caught most of it peering out from behind the couch while my parents watched it on video.  I was supposed to be asleep that night instead of sneaking horror movies in my Strawberry Shortcake nightgown and I didn't sleep well for weeks afterwards.  I was terrified of Jack Nicholson for the rest of my childhood.  Still kinda am.  Anyway, it's a classic.  Still good.  You can't go wrong if you watch The Shining.  If you do, say whuzzah to my twin homegirls.

2) Cabin In The Woods

This is the only film I've purchased in years.  I saw it in the theater with my sister and we squealed with delight soooooo many times that I bought it on iTunes the second it came out.  I think I've seen it five times so far and that's not nearly enough.  It's funny, it's smart, it's scary and it's completely unpredictable.  But most of all, it's pure Joss Whedon.  Like Buffy or Serenity?  Like the horror genre? You'll love this.

3) High Tension

My friends and I saw this French slasher flick at Mann's Chinese theater in Hollywood.  After parking in the creepy Hollywood and Highland parking lot, we were hurrying through the lobby to get our seats when a lady who worked there asked what we were seeing.  We said, "High Tension," and she widened her eyes and said (in a creepy voice), "Ooooh, there's gonna be some high tension in there, alright!" and so we laughed for the rest of our lives.  The end.  No really, I can't remember being so scared and invested in a horror film.  I looked over at one point and both of my friends were curled up in their seats watching from behind their hands.  It's a crazy crazy ride.  Watch it if you're a seasoned horror fan or if you're a badass.

4) Halloween

This is the obvious choice for tomorrow night, guys.  Especially if you've somehow managed to get this far in life without seeing it.  It's my favorite type of horror film.    Someone is crazy and tries to kill everyone.  Yes!  So much better than supernatural stuff or pukey possession movies, in my opinion.  I don't know anything about scripts or formula, but it seems to me that this one is perfect.  It's scary, it's gory, there's tension and triumph.  It stays with you.  Michael Myers wants you to watch this one.

5) Scream 1-4

Okay, I know this is technically four films but, here's the deal, you might wanna have a Scream marathon and watch them all.  I think this is a really really good idea.  If you wanna be lame and just watch one, listen (this is important), watch the original or the last one.  It doesn't matter if you haven't seen the first three.  Well, it matters to me and our friendship so if you haven't, keep that shit to yourself next time we talk but you'll still enjoy Scream 4 without the other 3.  It's not that hard to figure out what's going on.  All of the films are self-aware and tongue-in-cheek.  They're all funny.  But, the first one is PERFECT and the fourth one is fantastic if you'd enjoy seeing a bunch of young hot TV actresses get brutally murdered.  And, I mean, who wouldn't, right?

6) 28 Days Later

I love this movie!  Is it a horror movie?  I have no idea.  But, it is super scary and gory and hey, there's zombies so I think it fits the bill for Halloween fun.  This is easily my favorite scary zombie movie.  (Can't say favorite zombie movie because, you know, Zombieland and Shaun Of The Dead, duh.) I once told my mom she'd enjoy a Sandra Bullock movie about rehab called 28 Days.  My mom rented this instead and didn't sleep for a month.  Sorry, Mom!  LOL! My bad! Choose this one if you heart Walking Dead or if you like action films and only watch scary movies every once in a while.

7) A Nightmare On Elm Street

Just so we're clear, I'm talking about the 1984 version.  It's classic and you all know my love for Freddy (it's been well-documented on this site).  However, I will say that if you want to watch the recent remake, go ahead.  I actually thought it was pretty good.  And, the 80s one might make you laugh more than scream at this point, so there's that.  But, it's just so great, with so many iconic scenes (and taglines!) that I think it's an excellent choice to get your Halloween on with.  Tell Freddy he's my boyfriend now and then lick him.

8) Drag Me To Hell

This is a really great Sam Raimi flick.  I had so much fun watching it in the theater.  I even dragged (ha) my non-horror-loving husband along and he liked it too.  There's some amazing scenes in this thing and I think I even jumped a few times.  This is a great choice if you want to get in the spirit but you're not really eager to have nightmares.

So, those are my choices.  Another year, I might have chosen eight completely different ones but I'm really feeling my list this year.  Was it bossy enough?  What did I leave out?  If you hated all of those choices, my runners up were:  The Devil's Backbone, Evil Dead (the 2013 version, so great, saw it twice) and Wrong Turn.  In any case, happy scary movie watching to you all!  Let me know what you think.

*photo from discolor3d.