Monday, August 26, 2013

Ruining Ruiners

I love books. I love movies. I love TV.  I love to get wrapped up in a story and forget about my own life for as long as possible.  And sometimes I get a little obsessed with certain stories.  I mean, I know a lot of us do this. Something speaks to us and we fall so hard for a book or a film, we want to make out with it.

A word of advice to people like me.  If you're in love with something, don't tell my husband about it.  He'll be glad to completely destroy it for you.  It'll take him about ten minutes.

You know people like this, right? The problem is that they're smart, too smart. They're analytical.  Instead of enjoying stories, they break them apart and tell you all the ways they don't work.  They can't even help it.  This is magnified by a zillion if the dude's a director, like my husband.  He's actually good at story.  He does it for a living.

Look, I love my husband but if he keeps it up, I'm gonna start throwing books at his stupid big-brained head.

I bought him the Harry Potter books ages ago.  He finally read them.  He blew through them, pausing only to point out things that didn't make sense or to let me know how J.K. Rowling could've improved upon her opus.  Basically, he took something I loved and set it on fire.  I would cringe every time he put the book down to talk to me.  He did the same thing with Stephen King's Dark Tower series, another favorite of mine.  Then, when I tried to give him a taste of his own medicine by pointing out that Frodo could've hopped on that giant eagle and just dropped the ring into the fires of Mount Doom, he scoffed.  Apparently Mordor has air traffic controllers or something.


He does this with movies too.  He's really nice about accompanying me to horror flicks because he knows I love them.  The problem is that he rips it to shreds the second we're exiting the theater.  And the worst part is, he's usually right.  He doesn't even let my happy horror high last until we get out of the parking garage. It's infuriating!  TV too.  I've banned him from watching stuff like Angel with me because he'll ask a bunch of questions and point out plot holes.  That's when I scream, "SHUT UP, I LIKE IT!  YOU JUST WALKED IN WHAT DO YOU KNOW?" and the poor dog hides under the table.

I guess there's just two types of people:  people who can suspend disbelief and enjoy fiction and people who are too smart for their own good and just need to ruin everything for everyone.  Ruining Ruiners, if you will.  And I guess the way to coexist with a Ruiner is to keep the things you love locked away from their prying eyes so they can't shit all over them.

I'm the type of person who can watch giant blockbusters starring Will Smith and just buy into it all without worrying about whether things make sense.  I LIKE being that type of person.  I WANT TO BE SWEPT UP AND I DON'T CARE IF THE PLOT ISN'T PERFECT SUE ME GAHHHH.

Sooooo, I'm not gonna to try to get Tim to read the rest of my favorite books.  And I should probably save the horror movie watching for my girlfriends, who jump when you're supposed to jump and don't point out that the ghost looks stupid or that the girl could've survived by running the other direction.  But, I'll still watch TV shows and regular movies with him.  Sometimes a little intelligent discourse can be fun and stimulating or whatever.

Besides, he makes THE BEST popcorn and he's pretty cute so.

*photo by fanpop of Snape because, duh, sexy.