Monday, August 12, 2013

Long Hair Don't Care.

If you spend any time on Twitter, which I do (don't tell anybody), you know that when big things happen, Twitter is the absolute best and worst site to check.  If you, say, think you felt an earthquake but aren't really sure if it was the earth moving or your hangover, Twitter will let you know.  If something horrible happens in the world like a bombing or a tsunami, you'll find out about it quickly by checking Twitter.  Then you'll most likely have to log out because you'll be so annoyed by the horrible things people say about the event.  I'm always amazed people can fit so much stupidity and hatred in 140-characters.

So, it was Twitter, of course, that told me about Beyonce's haircut.  Who cares, I thought.  Then I saw twenty more tweets about it.  This is soooo stupid, I thought.  Then I saw fifty more tweets.  That's when I googled and got over thirty million results on the topic.  The topic of a haircut.  A very cute haircut, I should add, in case you were wondering where I stand on this oh so important issue.

The responses on Twitter were partly funny, partly lame and partly infuriating.  The infuriating tweets were overwhelmingly from men who clearly think Beyonce's job is not singing or being a mother or a wife or a super successful businesswoman but a sex symbol.  And not just any sex symbol.  (There are literally hundreds of hot female sex symbols with short hair but that's a whole 'nother blog post, y'all.) These guys think Beyonce's job, her duty, is to be a sex symbol to their specifications, which include long hair.

How dare she?

I cut my hair a few years ago.  I went the shortest I've ever gone in my adult life, a little higher than my chin.  A bob, pretty much.  I liked it.  It was fun to have something different, even though it was super high maintenance to keep my curls from sticking out from my head like I'd been electrocuted every day.   But when it was good, it was very good.  I felt very Mad Men. Women loved it (or said they did).  My husband loved it.  Other men in my life, however, felt hurt that I would do something like that.  TO THEM. A yoga teacher told me unprovoked that it would grow out quickly.  My neighbor asked, "Why did you to that?" As if my doing what I wanted to do to my own hair was a personal affront to him.  The worst, though, was my regular barista at the coffee shop.  He shook his head and said, "Oh no.  What have you done to yourself?  You were so hot and now you've ruined it. You should eat a lot of soy so it will grow back quickly."

Great.  Thanks, dudes. You can see the (slightly grown out) cut that caused them so much grief in my Twitter avi to this day. I think that's why I haven't changed it.  It's a little fuck you to the coffee dude.  Yes, my hair is long now but it's long because I want it to be that way, not because some idiot found me less attractive with a shorter cut.

Forget the fact that it's Beyonce, a stunning woman who can literally pull off any style, color or cut in existence.  Pretend a normal looking girl cuts all her hair off and you hate it.  So what? Who the hell are you anyway?  Does she need to be attractive for you to interact with her?  Is she ruining your day by not fulfilling all of your "hot chick" requirements? I mean, really.  Look, the important thing is that the normal looking girl likes her hair.  Maybe she wants her boyfriend or girlfriend to like her hair too.  That's within the realm of understandable.  But, that's it!  Who are you to her?  Her barista?  Her teacher?  Her FAN?!  Who the fuck cares what you think?  She cut her hair.  She's literally the exact same person who orders a chai latte or rocks her Warrior 3 pose or kills it performing in front of thousands of people at the Super Bowl.

There is a certain type of man who thinks women exist to please men.  You know the type.  He's the one who makes jokes about the intern's rack and tells women to smile on the street.  Did it ever occur to you, bro, that we women know that you hate it when we cut our hair off (how could we not?) and yet WE DO IT ANYWAY because we don't want or need attention from you.  We don't need you specifically to think that we're attractive.  We don't need you to think anything about us at all.

In closing, Beyonce cut her hair (and it looks adorable).  Big fucking deal.  Also, as long as Bey and Jay like it, who cares?  Also also, you can of course think women are more attractive with long hair.  It's an opinion and there's nothing wrong with that.  Just realize that a woman's job isn't to be attractive to you.  Realize that when you vocalize your dismay at a woman's haircut, every woman within earshot (or, um, tweetshot?) thinks you're an idiot.

Yes, even us long-haired ones.

*Photo of super angry me with super long hair.  I'd probably look so much prettier if I smiled, huh?