Thursday, June 27, 2013

Vincent Vega

Last night Tim and I had a pretty normal every day conversation.  It went like this:

Me:  Ooooh!  I forgot to show you something really important.

Him:  What?

Me:  Hold on.  (I find it on the laptop.) Here! (I thrust the laptop at him.)

Him:  (Looks at a photo of a guinea pig wearing an ice cream cone like a hat.)  That's pretty cute.  I can see why it was important.

Me:  Cute, right?  He does other things too.  (Shows him another pic of the same guinea pig washing a car.)

Him:  Awesome.

Me:  Yup.

(We stare at each other.)

Me:  In conclusion, I need a guinea pig.

Him:  (Looks at Hogan McSmalls, the dog.) You have a dog.  Do you need a little friend, buddy?

*Hogie ignores us both and chews on his bone.

Me:  He totally does.  The guinea pig can help me wash the car and run around the house keeping Hogie company.

Him:  What will your guinea pig be named?  Sally Draper?

Me:  Ha.

Him:  Stephanie Zinone?

Me:  Classic.  Maybe Fizgig?

Him:  Peggy?  From Mad Men.  What's Peggy's last name?  Why doesn't she have a last name?!

Me:  Holy shit!  HOW COULD WE BOTH FORGET THAT?!  (Googles it.)  Olson.  Wow, I knew that.  Peggy Olson.

Him:  Peggy Olson the guinea pig.

Me:  Nope, my guinea pig is a boy, duh.  HIS NAME IS VINCENT VEGA AND OHMYGAWD HE CAN WEAR A LITTLE TINY SUIT.

Him:  Vincent Vega the guinea pig.  Okay.

Me:  (Jumps on him.)  So I can get one then?

Him:  Sure!

Me:  He'll run around everywhere with Hogie and it'll be soooo cute.  Wait, do they smell?

Him:  Um, no?

Me:  Like ferrets.  I  knew a really stinky ferret once.  Musky as hell that ferret.

Him:  I don't think so.  Also, Vincent Vega can't run around the house.  He has to be in a little habitat.

Me:  Oh no.  No way.  My stinky Vincent Vega pig has to be free!  NO CAGES.

Him:  Well, then he'll just be shitting everywhere and he might even get stuck in cabinets and stuff.

Me:  Oh.  But, where would he shit then?

Him:  In the cage.

Me:   Just everywhere?

Him:  Yes, Vincent is not like a dog.  You can't train him.

Me:  So I'd have to clean it?

Him:  Yes.

Me:  R.I.P. Vincent Vega.  I'm going to bed.

*photo from incredible things.