Thursday, April 25, 2013

Oh, The Horror

A few months ago at a party, a girl asked me if I'd seen any good movies lately.  I'd just seen what I consider the best movie of 2012, Cabin In The Woods.  So, you know, I said, "Yes!  I just saw Cabin In The Woods and it's amazing.  I loooove Joss Whedon so much."

She wrinkled her nose (she actually did this) and said, "Yeah, but, isn't that a horror movie?" Then she gave me a look like I'd just stepped on a baby's head.

"Yes, I guess it is technically.  But, I love horror movies," I said.  "This one is different, though, there's so much more to it.  It's genius."

Then the girl flipped her hair.  (Sidenote:  I like this girl.  But this is exactly how shit went down.) She shook her head at me and said, "No, no.  You shouldn't love horror movies, honey.  Gross. You should do what I do. I only watch positive movies."  Then she (seriously) said this:  "You know, like Pretty Woman and The Notebook."  I flinched because I thought she might pat me on the head or squeeze my arm or something else Notebooky.

I did not laugh at her or give her a wedgie.  I just shrugged and said, "You like what you like."  But, then I thought about it.  My favorite movie made her nose wrinkle and her hair flip.  Her two favorite movies made me want to puke vodka and guacamole all over her.  Why?  Why do some people love horror flicks?  Are we supposed to like movies about prostitutes getting new fancy clothes? Is there really something wrong with us?  Are we secretly violent?  Are we worthy of nose wrinkling?

I understand why someone wouldn't want to see people get violently murdered for an hour and a half. I do.  I get that people are squeamish or that they might have nightmares.  But, look, they're soooo much fun.  When someone tells me they don't like the entire genre, I can't help but feel a little sorry for them.  Like they're missing out on some of the good stuff of life and they don't even know it.  (My husband doesn't love horror films but he'll go see one with me occasionally because he knows what's up.)  I never, however, judge anyone for not liking them.  Unless they judge me first for liking them.  Then, it's on.  Judging coming out the wazzoo.  Beacause, seriously?  I should be watching Pretty freaking Woman?!  BECAUSE IT'S POSITIVE?

I saw The Shining when I was very very young, hiding behind the couch while my parents watched it on VHS. (I'm still a little scared of Jack Nicholson, even at Lakers games.) Later, in grade school, I jumped from the doorway of my room to my bed for a month after seeing Child's Play because I was positive one of my Cabbage Patch Kids was hiding under the bed with a knife, waiting to slash my ankle.  I saw Gremlins, of course, squealing with delight when the little sucker gets microwaved. (Spoiler alert or whatever. Geez, it came out in the EIGHTIES, stop crying.) Then, when I was twelve, I watched A Nightmare On Elm Street at my friend's house and I totally fell in love with the genre.  (To read about my love for Freddy, click here, it's been well documented on this blog and probably just, you know, in my life.  My poor friends.)

Horror movies are just so much fun.  What else are you supposed to do at a slumber party or late at night in your dorm room after a party or when you're coming down from a Halloween buzz?  What else are you supposed to watch when you have the house to yourself because your husband's at a Kings game?  Even the dumb ones are awesome.  Most of my friends love horror flicks.  My sister loves horror flicks.  It's something we do together.  We go to the theater, we jump in our seats when we're supposed to jump in our seats, we eat popcorn and then we leave and dissect the movie for the next three days, IT'S JUST WHAT WE DO, PRETTY WOMAN CHICK.

So, yeah, I don't know why some people like them and some people don't.  But, I know I'm a pretty happy positive person and I've had a steady diet of slasher flicks for the last twenty years.  I know that I'm so far from violent that I've never so much as purposefully stepped on a bug.  I also know if I was forced to pick a best friend based solely on their movie tastes, I'd go with the chick who's seen High Tension over the girl who can recite lines from every Katherine Heigl film.  Basically, what I'm saying, Notebook, is that you might be horrified that I watch horror flicks but your shock and disdain only makes me happier I'm me.

Oh, also, P.S. If life were a horror flick, you'd die in the first scene while making popcorn and I'd live until the end looking super hot and triumphant in my blood stained white tank top. So there.

*photo from gnnaz.