Thursday, April 18, 2013

Best Female TV Characters Yes They Are Shut Up

Yesterday, I bared my soul and revealed to you my favorite male television characters.  It was a scary, cathartic, gut-wrenching experience.  I worried I'd be judged for leaving out Mr. T and the entire cast of  Arrested Development.  But, you know what?  It was fun.  And because you guys care so much, here's my favorite female characters.  Yes.  Party.  Ohhhhhh yeah.

Let's do it, ladies:

1) Mrs. Garrett  (Diff'rent Strokes/The Facts Of Life)

Sure, like everyone else, I loved Tootie.  But, it was Mrs. Garrett that kept me watching The Facts Of Life when I was a kid.  I followed her from Diff'rent Strokes, of course.  I thought she was awesome and funny and I marveled at her hair.  How did it stay like that?!  I also really wanted to eat some Edna's Edibles.  (Don't be gross, you guys, that was her fancy food company.)

2) Starbuck (Battlestar Galactica)

Starbuck is a badass. She's tough, she's hot, she drinks, kicks ass and shoots cylons and shit.  She made me like that song "All Along The Watchtower" again.  I loved Battlestar Gallactica and I'm pretty sure it's  because of Starbuck.

3) Anya Jenkins (Anyanka)  (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

A thousand year old vengence demon who's afraid of bunny rabbits, what's not to like?  Anya is funny and brutally honest and has little to no social skills, everything I like in a television character.  Plus, she loves Xander, who is every fantasy geek's not so secret crush.

4) Daria Morgandorffer (Daria, duh)

I thought I loved Beavis and Butthead in the 90s until Daria came out.  Then I knew what real cartoon love was.  I remember searching for a Daria head toss pillow to go with my Beavis and Butthead ones.  The first episode even aired on my birthday.  She was cynical and dry and snarky and over it and I felt like someone had made a cartoon version of me but with better hair.  I love Daria.

5) Peggy Olson (Mad Men)

Oh, Peggy.  She's everyone's favorite, right?  She's the one I root for.  I could care less what happens to Don but I hope Peggy takes over the world.  I like that she's driven and smart but she's also a bit of a mess.  I like that she's goofy.  I like that she has liquor in her desk drawer.

Possessed Dr. Marlena Evans Black (Days Of Our Lives)

This was the best thing to ever happen on television.  (This was also the stupidest thing to ever happen on television but in this case they are completely one and the same.) Marlena got possessed by a demon and it was GLORIOUS.  She levitated, she tried to kill people, she had creepy glowy eyes.  During this story line, I tried not to miss a day.  I'd set it to record just in case she puked pea soup while I was at school or something.  Freaking brilliant.  Love it.  Sometimes I'll randomly think of this when I'm at the gym or the store and it will fill me with glee.

7) Dr. Miranda Bailey (Grey's Anatomy)

There's no way in hell I would've kept watching Grey's if it weren't for Dr. Bailey.  I love her.  She's tiny and sarcastic and they call her 'The Nazi' because she's so scary.  I think she's delightful every time she's on screen.  I think they should wipe out all the other annoying whiny characters and just make it an hour long clip of  Dr. Bailey yelling at people.

Pam De Beaufort (True Blood)

You knew I'd have a vampire on here but you probably thought it would be Drusilla.  My love to Dru but Pam is where it's at.  She's a total bitch, she's prissy and she's lethal.  In my opinion, she has the best lines on the show.  Pam can totally bite me.

There they are.  My favorite favorites.  Now you know.  Whew.  Who would you pick?  Let me guess, not Mrs. Garrett.

*photo from