Friday, March 29, 2013

LOVE BITES Part One: Werewolf

No matter where you live, there's a high probability that sometime during your life, you'll be bitten by some type of immortal or supernatural creature.  (Okaay, that is a lie.  But, geez, suspend belief for a second.  It won't hurt, I promise.)  Anyway, as I was saying, if you believe what you read and see on movies and television as I absolutely DO, chances are, you're going to be attacked by either a werewolf, a vampire or a zombie.  Most likely very soon.

WHAT IF you are cornered in a dark alley or a cornfield or something and you have to choose to run toward the zombie, the vampire or the werewolf?  WHO DO YOU CHOOSE?!  Well, folks, I'm here to help you make this after-life changing decision.  In this three part series (Called Love Bites because awwww, cuuute and because yay, Def Leppard), we will explore the pros and the cons to being a werewolf, a vampire and a zombie.

This Friday, let's start with werewolf.

PROS TO BEING A WEREWOLF:

1) Howling at the moon has got to be a blast.
2) You're fuzzy!  Adorbz!
3) Dogs like you probably.
4) Werewolves have to get naked a lot when they change which means lots of hot werewolf sex like on tv.
5) Better excuse for being bitchy than pms.  (Sorry, it's my moon time, grrrrrr.)
6) Werewolves are always hungry so you get to pig out a lot.
7) Superhuman strength.  No more struggling to open jars!
8) Nice full head of hair/good beard.  I mean, surely, right?
9) Answering the door for the pizza guy as a werewolf.  LOL!
10) You won't have to go to the gym since you're running through the forest all the time.

CONS TO BEING A WEREWOLF:

1) Shedding.
2) Let's face it, you're probably gonna smell like a dog. Ew.
3) Huge hike in what you spend on waxing per month.
4) Constantly losing your clothes.  It would suck if you changed and then forgot which tree you hung your favorite AG skinny jeans on.
5) Doing, you know, murders and whatnot.
6) Can't watch anyone eat without drooling.
7) Can't watch a tennis match without getting SUPER excited.
8) You have to be outside ALL THE TIME so you probably get all gross and messy and, like, dirty and stuff.
9) No more sweet silver bracelets, dog.
10) Undeniable urge to sniff butts and pee on trees.

There you go, guys.  I hope this will make your decision whether or not to wolf out a little bit easier.  Remember to drop by next Friday to find out the pros and cons to being a vampire.  Yay!

**photo from literarydancer.