Wednesday, January 23, 2013

My Darkest Secret Isn't Even Funny

My friend Rory recently asked me if I like Arrested Development.  (Actually it was a much more interesting question than that, you can read it here if you want to.)  I was embarrassed to answer.  I was 'sit there at my desk hyperventilating for five minutes' embarrassed. Not just because I don't really watch much Arrested Development but because I don't watch much comedy period.  I just don't.  It doesn't really grab me.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?!

It's a fairly controversial viewpoint from where I sit.  I mean, my husband is a director on a comedy show.  My best friend is an amazing comedic actress.  I write humorous personal essays.  I'm on Twitter.  Several of my friends are tv writers.  Comedy tv writers.  Hilarious, smart, awesome people. And I love them all.  I'll watch anything they work on and I usually enjoy it. But, I'm never going to choose to watch a comedy on my own.  In my defense, I've seen Arrested Development.  I concede that it's brilliant.  Ditto for Girls and Curb Your Enthusiasm and Modern Family.  But, the only comedies I can think of that really speak to me are Louis and Flight Of The Conchords.  I don't even know why.  And I don't even get excited to watch those.

This is not something you should admit.  This is one of those things you should keep to yourself like if you're related to Hitler or if you have to get waxed once a week.  No one needs to know I'm comedy deficient.

I should like comedy.  I should watch comedy.  But, I don't.  Not really.

If given the choice, I don't want to laugh because things are so "relatable."  When I'm done working at the end of the day, I want to watch something so unlike my real life that I find nothing in it to be even close to my boring existence.  I want vampires and cylons and aliens.  I want to watch something set forever ago, like Downton Abbey or a show about a crazy motorcycle gang who wears more spandex and leather on a Sunday afternoon than I've ever worn in my life.  I want the characters I'm watching to be as far removed from my real life as possible.

The same goes for movies.  Give me a slasher movie, even a bad one, over The Hangover.  Take me to see a movie about hobbits or elves or Harry Potters or at least let it be set in the future or the distant past with Jeff Bridges in a dirty cowboy hat.  I don't care about a girl in New York City who just can't find love, I want some end of the world, post-apocalyptic shit.  I want spaceships and guns and fuzzy ewoks.  I want wizards.  I want to see something my own brain probably wouldn't have come up with.

My aversion to comedy might also be from working as a cocktail waitress in comedy clubs in my twenties.  I got my fill of stand-up at The Laugh Factory and The Icehouse five nights a week for years. I got to where I could say their routines along with them as I served bottles of Coors to tourists in fanny packs.  All of the comedians were great, I think it was just over saturation and too many nights of fat guys in my face yelling about the two drink minimum.  I can't even handle it anymore, which is sad.  (It's taken me years to get to the point where I'll watch Aziz Ansari or Louis CK, and those guys are fucking amazing.)  So, maybe I'm a little bit broken.  Maybe I'll get better.  Maybe being on Twitter and being around funny people will heal the hole in my comedy heart.

This is my deepest darkest secret, you guys.  I'm comedy broken.  And, I'm sorry about it.  I really am.  I'm trying to get better.  But for right now, just let me watch Game Of Thrones and get excited about terrible sci-fi flicks starring Will Smith.  Let me read about time travel and zombies.  Let me sit there like an idiot while you guys talk about which sit-coms are good this season.

Because I don't know shit about comedy.  Shhhh.  Don't tell anyone!