Monday, December 10, 2012

Top 10 Holiday Jams, Y'all

I am having trouble getting in the holiday spirit even though I put my dog in a Target tie.  It might be because of the horrible cold I've had for a week.  Seriously, I've contemplated cutting my head off.  Or, my lack of joy could be because my house looks like a horror movie set right now.  We're in the middle of construction and there are plastic sheets and tarps everywhere and cardboard all over the floors. We are camping out in the office and sharing a bathroom.  I'm just not feeling very festive, you guys.  In fact, I'm feeling pretty stabby.

I know, I know, suck it up, K.  Stop your bitching! And, I am going to stop.  I am. Instead of complaining, I'm going to jam out to my favorite holiday songs.  I'm going to make you guys a list! I'm going to get all holly jolly up in here and make the yuletide gay or whatever!

Okay, let's do this.  Top 10 Holiday Jams, Y'all  Yup. That's right.

1) Wham! ~ Last Christmas
Because when I hear it I think about George Michael literally giving someone his actual bloody heart in, like, a cheesy bag that has a Santa Bear on it or something. It gets stuck on the candy cane tissue paper but he peels it off while fluffing his hair.

2) The Ramones ~ Merry Christmas 
(I Don't Wanna Fight Tonight)

Because nothing says Christmas like Joey Ramone and his bangs.  Plus, I don't wanna fight tonight either.

3) The Waitresses ~ Christmas Wrapping

Because this song reminds me of one time when my pals and I did Christmas karaoke and my friend Rachel rocked this song and we got drunk and had candy canes in our cocktails and my other friend Lauren gave the karaoke dj a lap dance and it just really makes me happy, you guys, so there.

4) Brenda Lee ~ Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree

Because my mom used to play this song every year when we'd have our fancy tree decorating party (Lil' Smokies, tinsel in our hair, egg nog, you know) and my sister and I would perform a dance we made up.  Also, she sings about pumpkin pie and pumpkin pie rocks.

5) Elvis Presley ~ Blue Christmas

 Because Elvis is HOT and because I like blue.  Okay, seriously, because I sing this in the shower and in my car and also to my dog all season long.  He likes it.  I know he likes it because when I sing it into his little fuzzy face, he puts his paw over my mouth.  Soooo cute!

6) Jackson 5 ~ Santa Claus Is Coming To Town

Because I had a huge crush on Michael Jackson when I was little and I used to ask Santa for a Michael Jackson in my stocking.  I never got one so I stopped believing in Santa but continued to believe in Michael until he married Elvis' daughter and bought a bunch of monkeys and giraffes and stuff.

7) Nat King Cole ~ The Christmas Song

Because I love his voice and because this is my husband's favorite holiday song and he's pretty darn cute this time of year (gives me presents) and also because Mr. Cole says, "Kids from one to ninety-two."  Ha!  Funny!  Good one, Nat!

8) The Raveonettes ~ The Christmas Song

Because this one's called 'The Christmas Song' too but it's a DIFFERENT SONG COMPLETELY and also because this song makes me want to drink hot toddies and make out in a booth in the back of the bar.

9) Aimee Mann ~ Mr. Grinch

Because I love love love Aimee Mann and because How The Grinch Stole Christmas is my very favorite holiday tv special from the 60s about grinches and dogs named Max.

10) Dean Martin ~ Let It Snow

Because Dean Martin is my forever crush and because it never snows in Los Angeles and because this is a holiday song everyone can enjoy because it doesn't say, "Christmas" one thousand times.

Honorable Mentions (Because I'm a punk):
John Lennon ~ Happy Christmas (War Is Over) Because duh.
She & Him ~ Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas Because cute.
Jose Feliciano ~ Feliz Navidad Because bueno and because I'm from Texas, y'all.

That helped, of course.  I hope it helped you too.  Maybe you're sitting at your desk watching these terrible youtube videos, nodding your head so enthusiastically that your reindeer antlers are wobbling.  Maybe you're like, oh yeah, Michael Jackson was pretty adorable when he was tiny or maybe you're all, that Kendra chick sure digs some sweet holiday tunes, man.  In any case, I hope you caught a case of Fa la la.  I know I did.  Let me know if you think I forgot any important jams!

Now I'm gonna go buy a sweater with bells on it.  Cheers!

*photo by me of Hogie in a tie because awwwwww.