Tuesday, December 25, 2012

4 Embarrassing Christmas Pics

Happy Christmas to you!  I hope you got everything you wanted.  I hope you ate pie.  I hope your living room is a sea full of shiny paper and those terrible stick-on bows that flatten in like five seconds.  I hope you're happily buzzed as you're putting together the pieces of a Star Wars X-Wing Fighter or a Barbie convertible.  I hope you're enjoying yourself.

Today I am grateful for you guys.  So grateful that I am sharing with you my most horribly embarrassing Christmas photos, courtesy of my paparazzi mom and her scanner.  Here you have some hilariously awful pics of myself and my sis throughout the years.  (I'm always the taller, goofier one if you couldn't work that out. Click on the photos to enlarge the crazy.)  Enjoy:

This is the Christmas when I took some time out from filming my 80s hair band video for Mtv to pose with my little sis in front of our tree decorated by Prince.  Unfortunately, that dove never cried as promised but it did look strangely real and it freaked me out even though I was a hardcore rock chick.

One Christmas at my Grandparents' house, I bullied my sister and my cousins into acting out the nativity scene in the attic.  It was a dramatic, stunning performance starring, duh, ME as a freaking angel.  Basically I read the entire thing and yelled at my cousins if they broke character.  You can tell the adults are just mesmerized by my incredible acting skills.

I think my face says it all in this photo.  Why is my sister's gift ten times the size of mine and why does she have ALL THE BOWS?!  What you see right there is my bitch face in training.  It's better now but I've gotta admit I was rocking some evil eyes and a nice sarcastic smile even back then.  I'm like, "Seriously?"  Also, note the giant popcorn tin back there.  Yeahhhhh, dawg.

I saved the best for last.  This is from that Christmas when I thought I was the lord of a small village in England.  I'm posing like that because I think I'm about to be knighted or something.  I have no idea what's around my ankle but I like to think it's a candy bracelet and that I put it there to be even fancier because I didn't have enough ruffles around my neck. Anyone out there write for American Horror Story?  Look at my face.  Call me.

Okay.  There you go.  My most embarrassing Christmas moments.  I hope you're creating a few of your own today.  Peace and love and fa la la and won't you guide my sleigh tonight and ho ho ho and Merry Merry to you all.  Happy Holidays!