Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Scoffing Scoffer Goes To The Coffee Shop


I recently read a book called Super Sad True Love Story.  It is set in the future and at one point, the characters are cut off from everyone else because their technology stops working.  They all freak out.  After a month or so with no cyber-contact, people commit suicide.  (If you are thinking about reading this book, do.  What I just told you will in no way spoil anything.)  They off themselves because they can’t log on. 

As I was reading, I scoffed.  I’m a scoffer.  I like reading books or watching films about people in a crisis.  I always imagine I would handle whatever it is extremely well.  (Like, in The NeverEnding Story, I always think I’d run loops around good ole’ Atreyu.)  I’m just that deluded.  So, yeah, I scoffed at people not being able to function because they can’t online shop.  What a bunch of losers, I thought, as I checked Twitter really quick from my phone.

“I would read books!” I proclaimed to Tim, gesturing to the pile of books near my bed.  “We would play board games!  We’d be fiiiine.  Future people are babies.”

Then came last night.  We tried to turn on the A/C in our bedroom (which has run almost every hot muggy night for the last few weeks) and it didn’t work.  Turns out, it’s not just that plug, it’s one whole wall of our bedroom and the entire office.   Ugh.  Nothing works in there.  Not the computer or the Airport Extreme.  We tried the breakers.  Nothing.  Because neither of us has any idea how to do anything electrical, we decided to wait for an electrician.

Today, I’ve discovered that pretty much nothing in the entire house works because of where the Airport Extreme is located.  No AppleTV.  No Netflix.  No iCloud.  No Internet.  I handled it okay.  I read a magazine with my breakfast (an actual paper magazine) instead of reading HuffPo and LA Times online.  I checked my email on my phone.  Then I decided I’d shower quickly and kick it to a coffee shop to work today.  Only when I tried to put some music on while I shower like I usually do, I found out there was no music to put on.  Everything is connected to either iCloud or the AppleTV or the iTunes library on the desktop that is plugged in to the dead wall. 

Huh.

Right now I am writing this blog like someone from the 90s or something.  I am writing it in WORD while listening to music through my freaking headphones plugged into my phone.  I’ll have to cut and paste it into Blogger later like some kind of an ANIMAL!  Several times this morning, I started to do something:  order a book from Amazon, look up what time yoga classes are today, check out what the correct spelling of “Atreyu” is, find out what the weather is and discovered I cannot.  It sucks.  It really does.

I mean, yeah, I think in the case of a crisis, I’d still be okay.  We are rich in books and board games after all.  There’s enough liquor and hard candy stockpiled in our house to keep me happy for months.  But, I am so not scoffing anymore.  It’s only 9:52 a.m. and already I am itching for Internet.  Soon I will get off my lazy ass and go out in search of Wi-Fi, chai lattes and online shopping. 

I will never scoff again.

*Update:  I am posting this in a coffee shop where I am scoffing at the plastic cups.

**photo by xiaming.