Wayne Gretzky in his house. He has jerseys and hats and coffee mugs. His avatar is a Kings logo. For five years, he had season tickets and I would only see him when they had an away game. (I'd walk through the living room and wave at him, basically.) Right now, he is losing his mind. (At the time I'm writing this, The Kings are up 3 nothing in the freaking Stanley Cup Finals. I guess that's, like, good and stuff!)
When I think of hockey or baseball or even basketball, I think of food. Why? Because that's what you'll have to bribe me with to get me to go. Well, I'll go to a basketball game for nothing. But, the other sports are all about the snacks for me. I'll be glad to go to an Angels game with you. And, I'll probably get pretty into it while I'm there. But, you have to feed me.
So, in honor of our Los Angles Kings, I present this week's list: 8 Yummiest Stadium Foods:
1) Ice cream in a helmet. I'm a big fan of ice cream in a baseball helmet. Look, it's delicious AND adorable. Plus, you can take the helmet home, rinse it out and balance it on top of your cat's head. Then you can make jokes like, "Catter up!" Fun for the whole family!
2) A pretzel. Specifically, if you're going to Staples Center, a Wetzel Pretzel. The promise of a Wetzel Pretzel will get me off of the couch and into a Kings hat faster than you can say "high calorie terrible for you no nutritional value food item." I love them! Buy me a pretzel and I'll watch anything.
3) Popcorn. You can't go wrong with popcorn at a sporting event. It's yummy, it's salty, it's classic. Plus, you can throw it. I'm a pretty polite fan but, let's face it, sometimes you have to throw something.
4) Frozen lemonade. During a baseball game, flag down the dude and get one of these if you like things that are awesome. Look, it's hot, you're parched and you deserve it. Not only are they delicious, they act like a little air conditioner. Put it on your neck. Roll it over your wrists. Shove it down your shirt!
5) Beer. To all of you who say beer isn't a food, talk to some monks and then you can apologize to me. Beer is totally a food. Especially at a stadium, where you can buy a huge beer for only $100!
6) Nachos. There's something oh so sporty and American about balancing a big soggy container of nachos on your knees and trying not to dribble cheese sauce on your shirt. Yes, I know nachos are a Mexican food. But, we've borrowed them for our sporting events. While our right hands is over our heart during the National Anthem, our left is clutching a vat of nachos supreme. For America!
7) Dodger dog. Or whatever your team's equivalent is. I'll admit, I don't eat these anymore. But, back when I ate meat, there was nothing more awesome than a Dodger dog at Dodger stadium. The mustard! The relish! The yum! If you're sitting next to me, please eat one of these so I can creep you out with my stares and deep inhales.
8) Red Vines. When the candy guy walks by, don't get a giant Kit Kat! If it's hot, it'll melt and even if you're watching hockey, you could get chocolate all over you. Boo! Get a bag of Red Vines. They won't melt, they're super yum and you can shake them at the players when they don't do exactly what you want. You can poke the people in front of you with them! If the game is boring, you can bite off the ends and use them as a straw for your frozen lemonade. Look at you entertaining yourself during extra innings!
Now I'm absolutely starving. You'll notice that I did not include peanuts OR Cracker Jack. Peanuts and Cracker Jack can suck it. Peanuts are too much work and Cracker Jack doesn't even have good toys anymore. Plus, what am I a baby boomer?!
See how sporty I am! Please invite me to a feast, I mean, a game soon! Gooooo Nachos!
*photo by Ariela R.