Thursday, March 22, 2012

10 Best Things To Do In A Coffee Shop

I'm "working" in a coffee shop today.  It's weird because I actually get more done when I work away from home.  I stereotypically sit with my laptop and stereotypically sip my coffee.  I actually write some.  But, in between real work, I do lots of other things.  And so can you!  Here is my list of the 10 Best Things To Do In A Coffee Shop (When You're Supposed To Be Working.)

1) Every time a kid walks in the door, try to predict what their adult persona will be.  So far today I've seen a future angry slut, a wall street douche and a zumba instructor.  (Her glitter kicks and dance moves gave her away.  She executed a perfect hair flip/shimmy combo.)

2) Rate the items in the baked goods case from best to worst.  Don't eat any of them, though. They never live up.

3) See how long you can hold it until you finally give in and use the nasty bathroom. (I'm at an hour! Yay me!)

4) Play Fuck/Marry/Kill with either the baristas or the first three people in line.  This should be played after at least one caffeinated beverage for maximum awesomeness.

5) Check Facebook, Tumblr and Twitter in that order ten times.  Make yourself "Like" something.  Even if you don't.

6) Put in your headphones but don't turn on any music.  Eavesdrop on the table next to you. Judge them. Judge them hard!

7) This only works in Los Angeles (or maybe New York?) but stroll around peeking at people's screens, then say, "Hey, man, how's the screenplay coming?"  Maybe clap them on the back.

8) Try to predict what people will order based on their looks and their clothes.  For instance, this cute Asian chick in the hat, scarf and lace up boots is totally getting a muffin and an Vanilla Ice Blended.  (Full disclosure, she went with a scone but I was close.)

9) Rate everyone in sight based on their shoes only.  Or scarves if there's enough scarves.  Ooooh, or beards.

10) Stare at someone until they look back, then look away.  Repeat until they walk off or you get beat up.

Happy coffee shop working, everyone!  Cheers!

*photo by Mark Warner.