Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Nickname Game

I have a little nickname problem.  With real people, even, not just my dog, who I just got finished calling Smooshy the Smooshface.  I have nicknames for most of the people in my life.  And I'm totally getting away with it, too!  They answer to these names!  They've embraced these names!  They sometimes sign emails WITH THESE NAMES!

The first one was probably my sister, Crystal.  I started calling her, "Crystal Wystal." Then it was "Crystal Pistol." Then I dropped the "Crystal" and just started calling her "Pistol."  A lot of times, I'm too lazy to say or type the whole thing and she's just "Pist."  She hasn't murdered me yet so I think it's going well.

Then there's my two best friends.  We were in that gigantic parking garage at Hollywood and Highland on our way to see a horror movie.  We noticed the car in front of us had a license plate that said, "MOMOMY."  This, of course, made us laugh really really hard and we called each other "Momomy" for the rest of the day.  It stuck and now we are all three "Momomy."  Or, "Momo" for short.  One of the Momomies had a baby, Chloe, who I've called: Peanut, Chlo-Sto and Chloe-riffic.

My three nephews have forms of nicknames.  I call Logan, "Logie" sometimes.  Or "Cuteness," which is, according to him, a really bad thing to call a 2nd grade boy.  Jayce is "Jayce Face" because when he was a baby and I was taking care of him, this little cartoon kept coming on the television.  There was a horrible song where the animated bear or mouse character would take different names and make a rhyme like, "My name is Fred and I like bread," or "My name is Ray, I have all day."  Stuff like that.  So, I naturally started singing, "My name is Jayce, I have a cute face," to him.  He really liked it but in his defense, he was like two months old.  He also gets called "Cuteness," like his brother, but he doesn't seem to mind it.  Well, except for when I use it as a plural, like, "Okay, Cutenesses, it's time for bed."  Then he rolls his eyes and laughs at me like he's sixteen, not six.  My littlest nephew, Jackson, I call "Jackson Smackson Waxen."  I can't help it.  It's because of this song from the Broadway musical, Hair, where they sing about, um, hair.  The lyrics are:  "streaming flaxen waxen," but I think "smackson waxen" works too.  When that's too crazy, I just call him "Dude."

And then there's Tim.  Poor poor Tim has had at least 87 nicknames since we started dating.  He's really gotten the brunt of it.  It started out rather normal and innocent and disgustingly sweet.  I called him, "Pumpkin."  Then it changed to "Punkin."  Evolutions have included:  Punk, Punker, Punker-butt, Pinking, Punkerama, Punk-a-doodle, Punky Brewhaha and, recently, The Punk Ness Monster.  I also once called him Big Blue Bus for a time but that was a silly joke and not anywhere near as dirty as you think it is.

People have started to pay me back.  My nephews frequently call me "K-Dawg" (my rap name).  In my life, I've answered to:  Special K, Muffin, Kendra Girl, Momomy, Kendra Jane (my middle name is Nicole), K, Ugly (don't ask) and, of course, Kendragarden.  I hope everyone is cool with the names I bestow upon them.  I do it out of love!  I mean, I'm okay with my nicknames.  Well, maybe not Ugly.  But, the rest can stay.

Peace out and Happy Thursday,

K-Dawg

*photo by Ciljane.