Friday, January 20, 2012

10 Super Awesome Guilty Pleasures

The term 'guilty pleasure' has always annoyed me.  If it's a pleasure, don't feel guilty about it!  Man up, man!  Isn't life shitty enough without making yourself feel bad about something you clearly dig?  It's especially annoying when someone says that, say, a cheesy song or a chocolate bar is their guilty pleasure.  Really?  Not doing mescaline with old people?  Kicking babies?  Squishing spiders?  Can't it at least be something you should actually feel guilty about?

But, I guess it can't.  The term really exists in pop culture for books, films and songs.  And various forms of chocolate.  Because of some sort of messed-up 'If you can't beat them, join them' mentality, I have composed a list of my guilty pleasures in various categories:

Movie:  Something's Gotta Give
This is a ROMANTIC COMEDY about OLD PEOPLE!  That's one reason I'm embarrassed to love this flick.  Another is that there's a scene where you see Jack Nicholson's bare ass.  Hello, my name is Kendra and I own this movie on dvd.  

T.V. Show:  The Vampire Diaries
I fell hard for this show when I ran out of things to stare at while I eat lunch.  I noticed it was streaming on Netflix and did a really nice "What the hell?" shrug.  I am a bit mortified but, look people, I'm a sucker for vampires AND this entire cast is really hot.  What am I supposed to do, NOT WATCH IT?!!  Don't tell anyone.  Oh wait, I just became a Facebook fan so I think the cat is out of the bag.  Whatev.  I'm rolling my eyes at all of you.

App:  Bejeweled
All of my apps are SUPER EMBARRASSING so DO NOT look at my phone.  I'm serious.  But, Bejeweled is what I'm most likely to be messing with when I'm supposed to be doing something else like paying attention to you or opening my mouth wider for the dentist.

Food (Savory):  French Fries
Foods never make me feel guilty, not really.  There's usually some kind of nutritional value even in nachos or pizza (right, Congress?).  So, the only thing I can really think of is french fries.  I can't seem to completely cut them out and I know there's absolutely nothing good about them so they make me feel bad when I indulge.  Now I feel even worse.  Great.  Totally want some.  I hate everything.

Food (Sweet):  M&Ms
I do most of my M&M eating in a dark movie theatre.  Alone.  While shaking and hugging myself.

Magazine:  Us Weekly
I hate Us Weekly.  Really I do.  Only, I light up like a Christmas tree when there's a copy in the gym that I can read on the elliptical.  (I promise I flip past all stories about reality show people.)  (But, only because I don't know who they are.)

Song:  Toxic by Britney Spears (specifically the Lenny Bertoldo Mix)
I don't even know what to say.  But, speaking of the gym, I kind-of think whatever gets you through a workout is okay.  Um.  Let me start over.  See, the gym is like Vegas and what happens in Vegas...  Oh, whatever!  It's really good on the treadmill so there. 

Radio Station:  Sirius 80s on 8 
So, look, I'm gonna listen to this if I'm in a crappy mood and I'm driving to, say, a party or the in-law's house or anywhere that I'm going to have to talk to real live humans.  It's like my psych-up station. I don't feel guilty about the station itself, per say, but I'd be embarrassed if there were a camera in my steering wheel recording my singing and awesome chair dance moves.  So.

This tells you how many people on Twitter "starred" your tweet.  It's ridiculous.  I love it.  All the pretty pretty yellow stars!  It's like Kindergarten for adults.  It's instant validation or mortification!  If anyone catches me checking this, I'll kill myself.

Author:  Charlaine Harris
This gal writes the books that True Blood is based on.  I think there are somewhere around six thousand of them total.  I've read all of them.  I pre-order and read them in three hours when I'm supposed to be doing something else.  Then, I loan them to other people so they're not displayed on my bookshelf.  I'm like an over-eater hiding candy bar wrappers.  The next one comes out in May and I'm STOKED, you guys.  (I'm also hanging my head because book shame is the worst shame.)

Thanks to everyone who helped me come up with the categories. And by everyone, I mean one person.  And by one person, I mean my husband, who has to live with me.  So, yeah, thanks for the help!  

If you'd like to leave a comment and tell me your guilty pleasures, it might make me feel better about myself and maybe I won't eat fries while listening to Toxic on repeat tonight.  So, maybe you should do that.  Actually, can you do that?  Thanks.

*photo by Cat Sidh.