Wednesday, December 21, 2011

We Be Scrollin'

After scrolling though Netflix for two hours, I finally settle on an episode of Bones to watch.  Or Dollhouse.  Or The League.  Whatever.  This happens every time I pick up my AppleTV remote.  I am paralyzed by the infinite choices.  The infinite shitty choices.  There's something about knowing you can literally watch almost anything you want to that fosters indecision like a mo-fo.

Here's how it goes down at our house:  One of us says what two Netflix dvds we have at home.  The other one says, "eh."  Then we scroll for HOURS on Netflix-streaming, unable to decide on anything.  We go over to the iTunes movie rentals thingy and scroll there.  Tim complains about how expensive they are to rent and then tells me what Apple should do to make things better.  I sigh a lot.  We decide on NOTHING.  I mention that there are hundreds of DVDs we already own that we could watch.  We end up staring at each other.  Sometimes there's sad sad laughter.

Then, one of two things happens:  1) I put on something random like the aforementioned t.v. shows or a documentary or 2) We have an actual conversation until we finally head to bed.

A CONVERSATION?!  We are living in an age where infinite entertainment is right there at our fingertips and we have a conversation?!  This should not happen!  What the hell is going on?

I remember this thing from when I was a little kid.  It was a little pamphlet made out of that same paper as the newspaper (remember THOSE?!) and it contained the television schedule.  It was called the T.V. Guide.  My mom would whip that sucker out and tell us what was on.  We were given two, maybe three choices.  My sister and I always managed to decide on something and we were, like 4 and 7.  If two little kids could decide on something to watch with three choices, why can't two full-on freaking adults decide on a movie given zillions of choices?

It's the zillions of choices.  I know it is.

I don't remember, say, my grandparents staring slack-jawed at the television until finally giving up and going to bed.  They knew what they were going to watch.  Yeah, it was Wheel of Fortune or Lawrence Welk but at least they had the balls to decide on something!

I like having choices.  I do.  I don't want to watch Lawrence Welk.  And, I have a gut feeling I wouldn't have watched Highway to Heaven so much as a kid if I'd been able to choose something, anything else.  So, here's my idea.  Maybe Netflix could get rid of all those sad terrible movies like Chop Kick Panda?  So that we can see what's really in there?  So we don't have to scroll through miles of crap?

Or maybe I should work on my indecision.  Maybe I should get real real decisive-like.  Fine.  I'M GONNA DO IT, YOU GUYS!  I've decided to be decisive.

We'll see how that works.

*photo by YlvaS.