Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Fa La La, Y'all

I'm from Texas but I've lived in L.A. for fourteen years.  People sometimes have a hard time telling where the hell I'm from.  The holidays is not one of those times.  During the holidays, I turn into a little girl in boots two-stepping around the Christmas tree.  If you pay attention, you can see the tell-tale signs of my Lone Star heritage.  Here are 10 ways you can tell I'm from Texas during the holidays:

1.)  Christmas to me is an over-sized segmented tin with snowmen on it containing various types of stale popcorn.  Stale plain and stale caramel are good flavors but stale cheese is my favorite, y'all.

2.)  I know how to make three different types of cheese logs.

3.)  I won't even blink if there's a keg of Natural Light at your holiday party.

4.) Ditto for spray cheese on Ritz crackers.

5.) I will, at some point during the holiday season, say, "Merry Christmas to all Y'all" and keep a straight face.

6.) I still think the real Santa wears black cowboy boots and a Stetson.

7.) I think snowmen made of tumbleweeds are "just precious."

8.) I know that in a pinch, you can serve cocktail wieners with a sauce made from ketchup and jelly to be "fancy."

9.) When planning my holiday hair and/or makeup, I always have to talk myself down from glitter and Aquanet.

10.) I know all the words to "Grandma Got Ran Over By A Reindeer" and "Hard Candy Christmas," which may or may not be a real Christmas song.

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy New Year and Fa la la to All Y'all!

*Photo by me of the spread at one of Dwanollah's fabulous holiday bashes.