Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Eat Less Chicken

Dear Chick-Fil-A and Other Places That Sell Stuff,

Stop it!!!  Every time I turn around, one of you is donating money to an anti-gay rights campaign.  The phrasing of which, by the way, is offensive in itself.  You're not anti-gay rights, you're anti-equal rights or, rather, anti-rights in general because what you're trying to do is make an entire section of the population separate just because of their sexuality.  Because of who they fall in love with.  What could be more beautiful and less of your business?  Oh, but that's what I was writing you about.  Business.

The way business works is that you provide goods or services and I pay you for them.  But, then you turn around and give your money to "causes" that make me ashamed to be a human.  You take the cash I give you for a plant or a smoothie or some waffle fries and use it to try to take people's rights away from them. You understand why I cannot give you my money anymore.  And I know, bottom line, that you have the right to do whatever you want with your money, as do I.  Even if what you're doing is evil and, frankly, medieval. You see, I understand what rights are.  You have the right to do whatever you like, even if I disagree with it and find it disgusting.  Are you following me here?  I doubt it.

What I really don't understand is why do you care?  I find it very disturbing that major corporations want so badly to control the hearts of strangers that they would donate millions of dollars to funding hate laws.  What do you care if two people get married?  How could it possibly affect you?  Many of these folks probably ate your chicken over the years.  Does that make you feel scared or frustrated?  I mean, it should!  You were feeding people you clearly hate!  Maybe you should take this one step further and do a test at the door.  Straight like-minded people only!  Show your asshole card for entry!

I'm trying to think of anyone I would not only vote to deny rights to but give shitloads of money to deny rights to.  And I'm quite positive that even you, with your abhorrent behavior, would not fall into that category for me.  I can be a total bitch but I don't believe in denying rights to people just because I don't like them or they make me uncomfortable.  And, you, Chick-Fil-A, do both.

I'm outraged but I'm also annoyed. Now when I decide I want a new set of wine glasses or some organic coffee, I've got to get on the internet and google, "Who hates gay people."  I don't want to do this.  I want everyone to love everyone.  I want to be able to go buy my dress for the holiday party at the place that has the best dresses.  But, these days, I've got to make sure it's not owned by a fundamental Christian company who masquerades as a hip quirky store that sells owl teapots while writing checks to promote hatred.  I have to make sure that the natural foods market down the street from me isn't secretly a bunch of crazy people who think they can control the lives of their fellow humans.

I'm over it.

So, places that sell food and stuff, please put a sign on the front of your store or at the top of your website that says, "I Am Anti-Equal Rights" so I can make an informed decision.  It's only fair that we, the consumers, know what we're inadvertently funding when we buy those art supplies or those new shoes.  Let us know about your hatred right away.  Be upfront.  On the flip side, if you're a normal awesome business, maybe put up a sign that says "I Love Gays and Lesbians" so I can feel good about patronizing your store.  That would be swell.  I like buying shit!  If you fall into the latter category, I'll buy more shit from you!

Dearest, Chick-Fil-A and other Anti-Gay Companies, in closing, go fuck yourselves.  Even without the sign, we're all going to figure it out eventually.  Happy Holidays!  (You hate that phrase, huh? Good.)


P.S. Here is a list of companies to avoid if you're gay, straight or human.  I know, it hurts.  Half my closet is Anthropologie.  But, it hurts more to know my money is going to something horrible.