Recently, It was pointed out to me that all of my tweets are about alcohol. I think this is greatly overstating things! I’d like to set the record straight and officially state that I am NOT a drunk, I just play one on Twitter. Or something. AND, I have 446 tweets but when I went through my Favstar page, I only found 17 about alcohol. (Before I got bored with looking, gave up and had a beer.):
- I think that last drink really made the bartender like me.
- Wow, I just gulped down that latte like it was wine or something!
- Can I drink vodka with pizza or will I end up in a trailer somewhere holding a crying baby and a can of Raid?
- Ugh. I have to get drunk every time I’m around my in-laws just so they know I’m not pregnant.
- I’m drinking wine because it takes soooo long to refill the Brita filter.
- The husband’s working late so I’m eating vodka and iTunes for dinner.
- Remember when adults used to tell you that drinking wouldn’t “solve” anything? Well, vodka just solved my headache. So there.
- I start the night with a shot and a beer to show everyone I mean business and also because I’m empty inside.
- Wow, the hot bath/ vodka/ ambien/ bong hit/ horse tranquilizer/ methadone clinic/ warm milk combo really knocked me out last night!!!
- Dear Frat Boys, They make whipped cream flavored vodka now. You’re welcome. xoxo, K
- I will star any tweet about ewoks or vodka.
- This weekend I’m gonna eat too much, get too drunk and be too loud. For America.
- I feel like I’m on the verge of something. Like morning drinking?
- What the people at your party REALLY want is DRUNK YOGA!!! (Or pizzas and more booze. Whatever.)
- Whine before liquor! (My motto.)
- Take me out and get me drunk if you want to hear about all my sick relatives!!!
- If you really want to fuck with me, either hide my sunscreen or take me to dinner at a place that doesn’t serve alcohol.
See? Not so bad!!!
You guys, I’m so drunk right now.