Friday, October 7, 2011

17 Drunk Tweets

Recently, It was pointed out to me that all of my tweets are about alcohol.  I think this is greatly overstating things! I’d like to set the record straight and officially state that I am NOT a drunk, I just play one on Twitter.  Or something.  AND, I have 446 tweets but when I went through my Favstar page, I only found 17 about alcohol. (Before I got bored with looking, gave up and had a beer.):
  1. I think that last drink really made the bartender like me.
  2. Wow, I just gulped down that latte like it was wine or something!
  3. Can I drink vodka with pizza or will I end up in a trailer somewhere holding a crying baby and a can of Raid?
  4. Ugh. I have to get drunk every time I’m around my in-laws just so they know I’m not pregnant.
  5. I’m drinking wine because it takes soooo long to refill the Brita filter.
  6. The husband’s working late so I’m eating vodka and iTunes for dinner.
  7. Remember when adults used to tell you that drinking wouldn’t “solve” anything? Well, vodka just solved my headache. So there.
  8. I start the night with a shot and a beer to show everyone I mean business and also because I’m empty inside.
  9. Wow, the hot bath/ vodka/ ambien/ bong hit/ horse tranquilizer/ methadone clinic/ warm milk combo really knocked me out last night!!!
  10. Dear Frat Boys, They make whipped cream flavored vodka now. You’re welcome. xoxo, K
  11. I will star any tweet about ewoks or vodka.
  12. This weekend I’m gonna eat too much, get too drunk and be too loud. For America.
  13. I feel like I’m on the verge of something. Like morning drinking?
  14. What the people at your party REALLY want is DRUNK YOGA!!! (Or pizzas and more booze. Whatever.)
  15. Whine before liquor! (My motto.)
  16. Take me out and get me drunk if you want to hear about all my sick relatives!!!
  17. If you really want to fuck with me, either hide my sunscreen or take me to dinner at a place that doesn’t serve alcohol.

See?  Not so bad!!!  
You guys, I’m so drunk right now.