Monday, February 16, 2009

Have It Your Way. My Ass.

To say that I am not a fan of fast food is an understatement.  I avoid it like the plague.  I know there is a time and place for it, however, and it seems a road trip would be the perfect venue to eat it if you're gonna, right?

We were in a hurry to get back to LA and had been on the 5 for 2 1/2 hours already.  On our way out of the hotel, we'd each filled up our gigantic coffee mugs, so we had to pee.  We figured we'd get some food to go, use the bathrooms and get back on the road.  The choices were McDonalds, Burger King and Carl's Jr.  I let Tim pick because they all seemed equa-horrible.  I don't eat meat so I figured I'd be eating fries and a side salad at any of the places anyway.  Tim swung into Burger King.  Alrighty, I thought, let's do this.

My attitude changed quickly as I stood in line.  I scanned the menu and noticed they had something called a BK Veggie, made with Morningstar veggie patties, a known commodity. Slightly more relaxed,  I looked at the soda machine and noticed a sign that said, "Drink Pairings." It showed what "goes well" with, say, a Dr. Pepper (some triple meat and cheese monstrosity) or a Diet Coke (a chicken salad or a BK Veggie).  As ridiculous as this was, it made me laugh out loud so I figured I would put my bad, snooty attitude on hold and try to enjoy my rare fast food experience. 

We ordered and as we waited, I noticed the coffee maker.  It said, "Good, Hard-Working Coffee."  Burger King's Coffee is working hard, by golly!  This is coffee for the people, don't you know?!  Wow, Burger King, you really know how to endear yourself to regular folk.  Bring it on.

Back in the car, I'd just finished my mediocre veggie burger when I felt like I was going to puke.  Immediately!  I spent the next 3 hours in the car hoping I wouldn't hurl and trying to distract myself from the turmoil in my stomach.  Have it your way, my ass.

I think it's noble of Burger King to try and make food for vegetarians but you have to make it edible.  I don't know what preservatives or funky chemicals they had going on in that thing (or what they cooked it in..ewww) and I probably don't want to know.  I just know that next time I'll starve before I order anything but a diet coke, perfect paired with, well, nothing